


Fabulicious Gets a Shove

by BuffyRowan



Series: Fabulicious and the Italian Stallion [3]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M, and have a twisted sense of humor, everybody wants Dave and Derek happy, this team spends too much time together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-04
Updated: 2013-06-04
Packaged: 2017-12-13 22:18:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/829499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuffyRowan/pseuds/BuffyRowan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anything to stop the sniping</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fabulicious Gets a Shove

Penelope Garcia was a happy, loving person. Despite the images she dealt with on a daily basis for the team, she really preferred to stay far away from all forms of violence. But right now, she was ready to open the jet's door and boot both Dave and Derek out at 30,000 feet with their go bags tied to their feet for extra weight. Two weeks. Two frakking weeks they'd been at this. And none of the rest of the team had been able to find out what or who started it, or what this was all about.

Not that they were fighting, no, that would be too _easy _. If they actually fought, they might've cleared the air and moved on. So of _course _they hadn't had a fight. Instead, they'd been snarking. At each other, mostly, it's true. But having to listen to one of their snipe-fests was almost more annoying that being snarked at. And then there was the passive-agressive bullshit. They wouldn't call each other. If they weren't together, they'd call whichever team member was with the other, and tell them the information, and ask them to, "pass it along." And it wasn't any better in the evening. Because they were in a small mountain town, biggest thing there was the small resort that catered to hikers in the summer and skiers in the winter. It was almost like being back in Alaska again. No place to go and nothing to do to escape them. The only hotel open was the resort, because this was the off season. Only restaurant open was the resort's dining room. And now they were stuck in this tiny tin can with the snark brothers for five. Goddamn. Hours. Until they were back at Quantico and could escape to their off-duty lives for a day or so, praying that they'd have made up by the time they assembled again. Which didn't seem likely, since this had been going on for four days before they'd taken the case in California.____

____Garcia gritted her teeth and endured a particularly snippy exchange between the two agents, fantasizing about what she'd do with a small roll of duct tape, when Bossman's voice cut into the sniping. "For god's sake, you two. Would you just go into the bathroom and screw and make up already?"_ _ _ _

____Emily slammed the magazine she'd been thumbing through down on the tabletop to rummage through her purse. She held up a foil packet, "If it'll make you two stop bitching at each other I'll provide the condom!"_ _ _ _

____Derek looked like he'd swallowed a live goldfish, "What the hell . . . You all are warped."_ _ _ _

____Reid had looked up from his book, more because of the language Hotch had used, than because they were discussing Dave and Derek having sex on the jet. "I'm pretty sure all of us have headphones we can put on to block the noise. _Anything _has to be better than the last week of you two feuding."___ _ _ _

______"Seriously, guys," Even JJ wasn't cutting them any slack. They might have been keeping it mostly focused on each other, but by the end of the week cooped up together, the whole team had been getting twitchy. "We're about a week away from being able to write this off as sympathy PMS. And at least our PMS is soothed by a cup of the good hot chocolate."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Garcia reached into her laptop bag and pulled out a manila envelope, "Ok, you know what, I'll contribute to the cause of getting you two back to happy. Merry unbirthday, Fabulicious. A little inspiration to drag off your Italian Stallion and let endorphins and oxytocins make everything better. Check out the centerfold."_ _ _ _ _ _

______That last command had Emily and JJ leaning forward, knowing exactly what Garcia had just handed over. Dave barely got a glimpse of the cover before Derek had it flipped open, flat on the table. Hotch leaned over Dave's shoulder to get a better look, and Reid studied the photo, cocking his head before turning to Garcia. "I'm impressed. A perfect leaf from a Ficus carica, if a bit out of proportion."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Hotch shot her a wry grin, "Nice touch with the fig leaf. Post-it note?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Garcia sat back with a smug smirk, "Indeed it is, Fearless Leader. And Boy Wonder, that leaf is not out of proportion. It is perfectly proportioned for it's position." She looked over at Dave, trying to make out words in the mumbled Italian he was ranting. "Oh my god! You're blushing! I thought it was physically impossible for you to blush!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"All right, everybody pull out those headphones Boy Genius was talking about. We're going to spend the rest of the flight quiet. Then me and my man are going to go home and have a _long _talk about his modeling career. We'll be in day after tomorrow with nothing but sunshine and smiles, I promise." Derek quickly scooped the magazine back into the envelope, and the envelope into his bag. He leaned over to kiss Garcia's cheek. "Thanks, Mama."___ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
